According to Cicero, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of the virtues but the parent of all others.” I would disagree, but multiple studies have shown the correlation between gratitude and increased wellbeing – not only for the individual but for their environment.
Gratitude is not just an action – it’s a positive emotion which actually serves a purpose. It goes beyond mere thankfulness to a deeper state of appreciation for something which may be beautiful, admirable or enriching and which brings meaning and pleasure to our lives.
In my experience, people that often feel gratitude value life, and can see the positives and the beauty. They recognise that life can throw up its challenges and hardships but that overall they have benefitted in many ways and that even from hardships, great things can happen. They tend to take the longer view and so are less prone to spikes of stress from short-term or unforeseen difficulties. Why is this important? Because life is essentially a constant stream of unforeseen circumstances.
We live in a “VUCA” business world of increasing volatility, unpredictability, complexity and ambiguity. Whole industries are being turned on their heads as far more agile, tech-savvy and customer-oriented new entrants run amok. Our personal lives also have increasing time pressures as work hours increase, the world is increasingly geopolitically unstable, meaningful (face-to-face) interactions are increasingly fragmented as we channel our communication through our fingers to social media. We also have increasing concerns for the environment, increasing political tensions and our health. The world we live in can be viewed as bewildering, chaotic and overpowering. Our ability and tendency to identify and focus with gratitude on the positives enables us to stay optimistic and aids our resilience in times of strain. It implies that we have confidence in our future and our ability to exercise control in an effective way.
When someone is completely unwilling or unable to see the positives in their lives, but instead focuses on the negatives, they skilfully adopt the “victim’s stance” where stuff is being done to them. They are no longer the subject, but the object of an endless sequence of unpleasant circumstances. They feel powerless, possibly insecure and will frame everything as a potential negative. In essence, they build their own pit and, paralysed by their worries and fears, unhappily fall into it. As a result, their health and well-being suffers because they cannot see the light. They cannot see their way out because they’ve sabotaged their inner reserves of energy, tenacity, inspiration and positivity.
Whatever we may feel, everyone reading these words has an enormous amount to feel grateful for and when you pause to take stock, the list is huge. Some of the happiest people I know are the most grateful. So are they grateful because they are happy, or happy because they are grateful?
During the month of December, I embarked upon a gratitude experiment. For 15 days, I reflected on what I am most grateful for in this life. Here’s my list:
◦ The intense, inexhaustible and tactile love of my parents which has never ceased and, in the case of my beloved father, shines beyond the veil of life itself. Because it conditions me to give love and to seek it. And to measure myself most truly in its unwavering light.
◦ A large, extended family across four continents – to have been able to visit them all and cement my identity and values from a young age. To feel pride at our journey of generations and inspired by the achievements and sacrifices that have carried us here.
◦ The great schools I attended which instilled discipline, values, a sense of confidence and purpose that, beyond the opportunities afforded by a great education, also set the foundations for my entire life.
◦ For the handful of friendships that like seeds have blossomed and matured since my childhood and that keep on growing and giving like great millennial fruit trees. And those from my career that have shot up like bamboo to film all the gaps with inspiration and humour. And finally for those truly great Samaritans I have met on the path this year – who transmit love and support with every intention, every word and every astounding act of kindness and generosity. All I pray will be my constant companions in this life and beyond.
◦ My exceptional health and energy which has enabled me to do and achieve so much without suffering. I would gladly now take on the suffering of those that are severely afflicted – that they might experience the health and freedom that I have for so long. I am ready for whatever the future might bring.
◦ The opportunities I have been granted throughout my life to experience so many unspeakably beautiful moments. May I be granted the grace and humility to truly appreciate them with the awe and gratitude of someone far less fortunate who has never had or could never dream of such gifts.
◦ My partner and love who has weathered nearly 25 years of adventure on the high seas and stood by me through thick and thin. For her immensely loving, generous, compassionate, humble, forgiving, patient and noble heart. She is my rock. And for her extended family with whom so many wonderful moments have been shared.
◦ For the most loving and devoted mother I could ever wish for my child – whose innumerable acts of love I could never list nor value nor replicate in several lifetimes. For all mothers everywhere that are living miracles themselves.
◦ For a Son that has shone in our lives brighter than any Sun. Who has bathed us in love and truly taught us what love is. Who also astounds us daily with his strength, his joy, his generosity, his compassion, his forgiveness, his sensitivity, his diplomacy and his maturity. Words are always too feeble to describe everything he means to me. In him I see a reflection of the Divine. He is the Greatest Gift of them all.
◦ My unshakeable faith in God and his unfathomable love and mercy which has now liberated me of every single one of my fears and concerns bar one – my own salvation. May my focus and path be true, unwavering in the path of all distractions, temptations and obstacles.
◦ The love, compassion, strength, determination, time and means to help others who are much less fortunate than me. May this be my single largest contribution for the remainder of my years – that I might have the opportunity to share even a fraction of the love that I have received and will continue to receive so that others may feel its joy, it’s succour, its hope and it’s liberation from sadness, pain, anger and despair.
◦ For social media – the opportunity to be reached and touched as well as reach and touch so many others – our earthly family – so quickly and conveniently with messages and content that uplift and inspire. To bring light where there is darkness and maintain faith in a better world of love and unity.
◦ For the amazing international experiences and people I enjoyed at HSBC. For my new coaching career – the skill sets and the deep community of dedicated, soulful practitioners that derive pleasure and meaning in their lives through supporting and bringing transformation to others. For Firewalking and it’s unique tribe that have helped me overcome my own fears and limiting beliefs and leap freely for a life of balance and meaning, not once looking back.
◦ To the global community of religious from every religion that values peace and love, the healthcare professionals, the missionaries, the charities and volunteers and the ordinary people that go out of their way to help and support others in whatever way they are able. To all the trees that do not merely grow, but that also bear fruit.
◦ For a world filled with countless natural works of staggering beauty, complexity and harmony well beyond our human comprehension. For our human diversity and capacity for love, for a sun that warms and a moon that soothes, for the oceans and their bounty-filled currents. For the winds and the waves, the seasons and the tides. That everything appears to be in balance. Except us. For all that we do not and cannot comprehend – such as time itself. May we find and accept our true place and role before it is too late.
What are you grateful for?
