What is Coaching Exactly?

My first encounter with coaching was when I was working in Mexico City. It proved to be both transformational and almost magical. Not long after we started, I had abandoned my stubborn obsession with my role and its numerous frustrations and (as we had agreed), I found a new role for myself in my firm and was soon jetting off with my family, full of optimism as well as gratitude. 

For many years I couldn’t figure out how my coach had managed to accomplish what he had in such a short time. But a few years later in Belgium, I was working far to many hours to the exclusion of all else and I realised I urgently needed to find balance in my life. My wife (by then a certified coach herself) suggested I attend some coach training to shift my perspectives and, hint hint, improve my listening skills! I didn’t really know what to expect, but thinking back to my Mexico experience, I was intrigued and desperate enough to give it a try. And lo and behold – here I am today!

Coaching continues to expand at an impressive rate globally, yet it’s surprising how often I’m asked “So…what is coaching exactly?!” I’m hoping that this article will explains it in a way that is useful.

Coaching in the corporate world

Coaching used to be a perk limited to key executives and top talent, but is now very much a part of the organisational toolkit to support personal development at many levels. 

A key leadership challenge today is navigating and thriving in a world that is increasingly uncertain and complex. The changing nature of organisations means that emotional intelligence and social skills are increasingly important – which is why coaching has had an increasingly important role to play in leadership development. Coaching, as well as a coaching skill set is becoming invaluable in order to help ensure that leaders and their teams can feel engaged and can perform at their best.

In terms of specific application, coaching is often employed in a number of key scenarios; such as CEO and board level leadership, senior female leadership, top talent, first 100 days, transition coaching for periods of intense change and coaching for expatriate executives (and sometimes their partners as well). Beyond executive coaching for individuals, there’s also an increasing emphasis on team coaching in order to really boost collaboration in and between teams. I’m going to write about team coaching in a separate piece.

Coaching vs. Mentoring

In general, people are far more familiar with mentoring than coaching. Mentoring’s essentially a means of supporting staff at any level by leveraging the knowledge and wisdom of a more senior colleague with guidance, reassurance and advice when needed. As such, many people can mentor – it doesn’t require a specific skill-set or training (so no direct cost implication), but that’s not to say it can’t be highly effective. 

The first key difference with coaching is that mentors can be more ‘directive’ and provide specific advice where appropriate. A coach would hardly ever offer their own advice or opinion, but instead help the individual find their own solution.

I certified as a “Co-Active” coach. A Co-Active conversation is very different from a standard conversation in a number of ways. Co-Active coaching is not about solving problems (though problems will certainly be solved). Nor is it primarily about improving performance (though this will happen over time). It’s primarily about discovery, awareness and choice – a way of empowering people to find their own answers; encouraging and supporting them to find deep fulfilment in their life (with the significant choices this entails).

Before becoming a coach, I spent a lot of time mentoring others whilst working at HSBC, but when I started training as a coach, I stopped mentoring because I personally found it far less effective. I realised that when acting as a mentor, whilst my expertise and advice might well have been useful, I also ran the risk of underestimating the true significance (and emotional impact) of a particular challenge – simply because I look at it through my own lens based on my own experience and skill-set. In contrast, as a coach I trust that my clients know their own business and can bring their unique skills and knowledge to bear effectively. Where I support them is in their mindset and their ability to take transformative action. 

What is fulfilment?

Many people might initially look at fulfilment through the lens of outward measures of success e.g. seniority, income and lifestyle. But there is almost always a shift to a deeper definition of fulfilment  around what provides meaning, purpose and value in life. If risk-taking or adventure is highly valued – is there enough of it? If family is valued most, is our client short-changing her/himself by caving in to the demands of work?   

True fulfilment is about living our life in the closest possible alignment with our core values. When this occurs, life is far more satisfying and can feel almost effortless. Once we have a good fix on our client’s values, it’s about supporting them and calling them forth to live life as “the biggest version of themselves” – living life to their full potential.

The crux of Coaching

A coaching conversation gets to the very heart of what matters and will invariably involve truly impactful questions that are challenging and thought-provoking. For this to happen, the coaching relationship is critical. 

The coaching environment must firstly be safe enough for you to take the risks you need to take. But “safe” doesn’t necessarily mean comfortable – significant change will always feel  highly uncomfortable. The coach is there to “hold the rope” and challenge you to stretch yourself – safe in the knowledge that you are always supported. A key aspect of safety is confidentiality and for a coach, confidentiality is sacred. If you are going to risk making significant change and possibly address very intimate aspects of your life (present and past), you must feel absolutely comfortable speaking freely with your coach.

Secondly, it must be a courageous place where you are able to approach your life and the choices you make with motivation, curiosity and creativity. Disclosure is crucial because it leads to your own discovery – which is essential for you to then take action. So a coaching environment is also judgement-free – where you can tell the truth without worrying about what your coach might say.

We all have at least a few close relationships in our lives – parents, siblings, really close friends and perhaps some colleagues we can really trust. They all know us well and want the very best for us. They tend to give well-meaning advice based on their own values, perspectives and fears. In contrast, a coach would quickly get to know how you feel about almost every facet of your client in a relatively short space of time. This includes work and career ambitions, relationships with your partner, family and friends, hobbies, social life, health, financial situation, personal development and possibly religion/spirituality. Whilst executive coaching will be almost exclusively be focused on your work and career goals, I haven’t yet met anyone whose work isn’t impacted by, or impacting, other aspects of their life. Everything is inter-related because at the end of the day, each person’s reality is reflection of how they view the world and therefore interact with it.

Other than a genuine interest in your fulfilment, a coach is not invested in any particular outcome. We hardly ever give advice, but if asked, we may offer our own opinion. We will always challenge, be truthful and play with different perspectives in order to find what resonates most for you in order to move you forward. A good coaching conversation will always have emotion present as we focus on what is deeply meaningful. And it’s from this place that meaningful realisations and decisions can then be made.

All this said, it’s always the client who decides what they want to focus on in each session.

The Coach

Coaches achieve results primarily through deep listening, caring, truthfulness and holding accountability:

• We listen differently – not only to the words, but to the nuances and emotion behind them. We also listen for the very best in our clients (even when they can’t hear it in themselves). Through deep listening we can also identify and challenge the fears and limiting beliefs that are holding them back.
• We care that our clients create what they’ve expressed they want and that they also follow through on their decisions. We keep them accountable and moving towards their dreams and ambitions.
• Truthfulness is one of the most essential qualities of a coach. We will absolutely tell the truth – both about where our clients are strong and praiseworthy as well as where they may be holding back, giving up, denying or rationalising.

In a coaching conversation there should always be respect, openness, compassion, empathy and a rigorous commitment to speaking the truth. As coaches, we also make some key assumptions regarding our clients. We assume that they are “infinitely resourceful, creative and whole” i.e. we assume strength and capability, not weakness, helplessness or dependence. We also assume they want to achieve their full potential. We appreciate that there are different perspectives with which to address every situation and that we all have the power of choice in our lives.

We are all incredibly different and can hold such different perspectives on almost any issue. A coach is there to hold up a mirror so that we can see ourselves as others see us and also to encourage us to perhaps adopt different perspectives that will enable us to move forward.

Some final reflections

The real power of coaching has been very evident to me on many occasions. It’s generated far more impact in terms of shifting perspective and mobilising my clients towards transformative action in their lives than what I could accomplish as a mentor. It’s had long-term benefits in terms of focus, confidence and self-esteem which obviously benefits them in everything they do and what they feel they can accomplish.

Coaching can be an intense process, especially when there is pain in one’s life, deep-seated fears or limiting beliefs. We all have some kind of trauma or pain from the past. Whilst ours may not be anywhere near as significant as that of someone who has had a really tough time, relatively speaking it’s still huge for us within our own frame of reference. We all tend to run away from pain, however pain that we don’t properly process is like a blockage in an artery – it affects the flow and enjoyment in our lives and our ability to live life to the full. It needs to be dealt with and a coach is equipped to deal with most emotional blockages effectively (or to recognise when they are unable to and point the client towards the right professional). 

In my experience, people can achieve remarkable transformation in their lives if they are really motivated to do so. I’ve had a couple of clients who weren’t totally committed (or ready) to changing their lives. They just weren’t really investing themselves in the process and at a certain point I had to let them go. Coaching is not like going to the dentist where you lie back and let them get on with it. When you go to a coach it’s you that’s putting in most of the work. Change is always uncomfortable for a while. The coach is there to help you achieve whatever you want to achieve, but you have to really want it. It means being focused, disciplined and motivated to create the changes you want in your life.

Most of my clients are steadfast about executing on all of the actions we agree and go away and really get stuck in to the “homework” I set them. I’ve watched several clients transform themselves and seemingly take flight in a very short period of time. The amount of satisfaction I derive from seeing this happen is immeasurable.   

Never had a coach? I have a coach, my coach has a coach. Everyone needs a coach…even Steve Jobs had a coach! 

Eric Schmidt: Everyone needs a coach

I hope this article has been useful. Please share your comments, questions or your own experiences. You can also write to me directly at julius@oxygencoaches.com should you be interested in learning more about how coaching might support you or your team.